Dear Radar Mom:
Thank you for your questions. Regarding time limits, this is an important family decision that should be discussed with the family. Children should have a balance of activities and interests. It is not a good idea to indulge them in too much of anything. My parents limited our time to watch TV and use the telephone.
So yes, I would limit your teenager's on-line and cell phone time. The exact amount of time will depend on your family. If rules are followed, and trust is built, you can always increase the time. Make it reasonable and an amount that is agreeable to all. This will be hard because today's teenagers use their computers and cell phones as a means of communication.
Whatever amount of time is allowed on the computer, be sure the time is monitored. The Internet-connected computer should be in a common area of your residence. Pay attention to what your teenager is doing while on-line. If they suddenly close a screen or switch activities when you walk up, you need to find out what they were doing, and why they didn't want you to see.
This brings us to your second question. You are in a position to know your child best. Pay attention to changes from the norm. This can include grades dropping, withdrawal from family and friends, calls from a stranger asking for your child, packages arriving for your child from an unknown sender, or an increased and unusual level of contact from someone you know, i.e., a coach who is contacting your child far more than is necessary.
If you detect any significant changes from your child's normal behavior, you need get involved. It may be something benign, or it could be a serious problem. It may or may not be related to an inappropriate contact from a predator. What is important is that you get involved and get to the root of the problem.
Finally, before a problem presents itself, work with your teenager to establish trust and communication. When they have a problem, you want them to come to you, even if they feel they may have done something wrong. This is one of the best aspects of the RADAR system...it allows parents and their children to reconnect in this very high-tech world.
Good luck,
DJB